Small Thank-you

In the last few days I have been emotionally and physically recovering from a binge episode. I am so over the 10lbs conundrum and am very glad that I wrote those feelings down so that I can remind myself that I did, at some point, actually feel that way. At this very moment I am okay. I am working hard at identifying what triggers or is likely to trigger an episode and I am doing my best to stay away from, or at least be prepared for, them.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all the people who have taken the time to read this blog. Knowing that you are participating in my journey with me by reading this journal motivates me to keep taking steps toward recovery. You inspire me to reach harder for successes so that I may have something positive to share with you.

Thank you!

How did I not know?

Part of me must have known that I had a problem but the voice inside my head, the voice that I thought was my own, was so logical that I couldn't argue. It would say things like

You can't have a problem, you're not small enough or 

large enough or sick enough. No one will believe you. 

You don't want to be obese. Did you see what you just ate?

You deserve to be punished.

You're just an emotional eater. There is nothing 

wrong with you, lots of people are this way. 

I was fortunate that before I got sick enough to need medical intervention I happened to be in counseling for another reason and as that reason for counseling was coming to an end I mentioned how I feel about food and my fear of having an eating disorder and something purely amazing happened:

She believed me! 

Thinking about and typing that right now brought tears to my eyes. I really do have a problem, I am sick, I am getting help and I am going to recover.