Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Drugs. Drugs! Drugs?

About a month ago I found an article documenting abnormal dopamine levels in the brains of people with binge eating disorder and it made a big difference in how I view myself. It helped me to understand that having an eating disorder is not an sign of weakness but is an actual mental illness. There is something wrong in my brain. I am not weak. I have a real medical problem.

Along with needing to know how much damage I have done to my body the other reason I initially went to the doctor was the thought:

if there is something wrong with the dopamine levels 
in my brain then does there exist a drug to fix it? 

This is the first time I have voiced that thought. I went to see a doctor for her medical opinion and not to ask for drugs.

I had my follow up meeting with the doctor today and received good news: I am relatively healthy. My vitamin B levels are a little low but other than that (and a few physiological symptoms) I have not hurt my body too badly.

After reporting this she asked if I wanted to supplement my treatment plan with drugs. (Right now my treatment plan involves counseling and blogging only). After we talked about what I can expect the drugs to help me with and the possible side effects I said YES.

Don't get me wrong there is not a magical drug out there to cure eating disorders. However, this drug will take the edge off of my obsessive thoughts and will therefore allow me focus on setting up healthier eating plans and habits. It will buy me some time to allow my focus to be on getting better and not just on preventing (or minimizing) the next 'incident'.

Part of me feels like I am taking the easy way out. I feel like I am cheating; like it won't count as a 'real' recovery if I don't win every battle via pure bare-knuckle boxing.

What will it say about my mental strength, 
will power and determination if I cheat? 

The only answer I could come up with is "who the f--- cares as long as I recover". 

What are your thoughts about treating eating disorders with drugs? 

Have you used drugs as part of your recovery plan? If so, what was your experience like?

Right now my biggest concern is how or if they will affect my parenting. 
My daughter shouldn't have to (nor will she) pay a price from my recovery.

I would love to hear your stories, warnings and ideas. 

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