Along with needing to know how much damage I have done to my body the other reason I initially went to the doctor was the thought:
This is the first time I have voiced that thought. I went to see a doctor for her medical opinion and not to ask for drugs.
I had my follow up meeting with the doctor today and received good news: I am relatively healthy. My vitamin B levels are a little low but other than that (and a few physiological symptoms) I have not hurt my body too badly.
After reporting this she asked if I wanted to supplement my treatment plan with drugs. (Right now my treatment plan involves counseling and blogging only). After we talked about what I can expect the drugs to help me with and the possible side effects I said YES.
Don't get me wrong there is not a magical drug out there to cure eating disorders. However, this drug will take the edge off of my obsessive thoughts and will therefore allow me focus on setting up healthier eating plans and habits. It will buy me some time to allow my focus to be on getting better and not just on preventing (or minimizing) the next 'incident'.
Part of me feels like I am taking the easy way out. I feel like I am cheating; like it won't count as a 'real' recovery if I don't win every battle via pure bare-knuckle boxing.