Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The 10lbs Conundrum

You don't put on 10 lbs in less than 2 weeks in any type of healthy way.

The fact of the matter is that the non-disordered aspects of my life have needed a lot of my attention and energy recently. Thus, there has been no energy left over to fight with myself about food.

In researching eating disorders I have learned that people with binge eating as part of their symptoms typically binge in one of two ways

(a) Fast and Hard - 2 to 4 hours of complete all consuming power eating
(b) Long and Slow - days of prolonged (secret) overeating, sometime with periods of type (a) bingeing. 

I am unlucky enough to be inflicted with type (b) binge episodes. Lucky me!

I hope you never know what it's like to eat so far beyond being full that it hurts (and more than just that undo-your-top-button-after-dinner type of pain) or to be so disgusted at the amount of food you've consumed that you cry as you put more food into your mouth. It is unpleasant. 

To paraphrase something I read on another blog:

Fuck you and your two cookie binge.
Two cookies are not a binge. 

Anyways, that is not the point of this blog. The point is that not having the energy to fight myself out of this epic binge has had (so far) a 10lbs consequence and this 10lbs has had surprising consequences of it's own: 

There are parts of my body I like more at this weight. My breasts look fantastic (both with and without my everyday padded bra on). The slight amount of gain to my stomach has pulled the skin slightly tighter making my stomach look firmer. Moreover, all my clothes still fit and the gain hasn't done anything noteworthily 'bad'. The larger breasts actually make me look ever so thinner by creating a more defined curve. 

I, by no means, plan to stay at this weight but something amazing happened:

I finally see how my boyfriend can see me as beautiful at any (reasonable) weight I may be. 


  1. I get the 10lb conundrum. I am not overweight, nor can I identify with having an eating disorder. I understand the love of food and the difficulty that can be there in staying away from it, though I am certain it is on a much smaller scale than you deal with. It's hard enough for me. I cannot imagine the courage it must take for you to win your battles. At any rate, I digress. I'd love to lose 10 lbs, but yes, there are parts of my body that just look better when I weigh a little more.

    Cheering for you.

  2. Thank you! You're support means a lot to me.