Saturday, April 9, 2011
How did I not know?
Part of me must have known that I had a problem but the voice inside my head, the voice that I thought was my own, was so logical that I couldn't argue. It would say things like
You can't have a problem, you're not small enough or
large enough or sick enough. No one will believe you.
You don't want to be obese. Did you see what you just ate?
You deserve to be punished.
You're just an emotional eater. There is nothing
wrong with you, lots of people are this way.
I was fortunate that before I got sick enough to need medical intervention I happened to be in counseling for another reason and as that reason for counseling was coming to an end I mentioned how I feel about food and my fear of having an eating disorder and something purely amazing happened:
She believed me!
Thinking about and typing that right now brought tears to my eyes. I really do have a problem, I am sick, I am getting help and I am going to recover.