Friday, May 13, 2011


I know that I still have a long path to travel on my road to recovery but I'm so excited about getting there. Before I learned that I have a problem I just assumed that every one thought about food the same way that I did and that my thoughts about food would always be the same. I never questioned that I would have to fight with myself about food ALL the time forever and always.

I knew that I had a bad relationship with food. This is evident in the fact that I use to envy people with eating disorders. The voice in my head would say

look at them! at least they care enough about their bodies 
to actually develop a real problem. They are strong!
You are weak. You don't care enough. 

I know now that this was part of my disorder but I am still so embarrassed by these thoughts. To anyone who has ever suffered or is suffering with an eating disorder I apologize deeply for thinking such things. Please forgive me for being so ignorant.

However, now that I know a life without these destructive and disordered thoughts can exist 

I am Oh So Excited to find my way to that life. 

I can't wait until I can stand up and shoot 

"I was 'THAT Girl' and now I have recovered!"

*Disclaimer: Yes I know that my thoughts given here are in contrast to those given in a previous post (That Girl) but I am only human and therefore can have contradictory thoughts in my head. There were parts of having an eating disorders that I viewed as strong and envied but I also use to see those who suffered as weak; before I learned that eating disorders are a mental illness I wrongly thought they were more like something you caught. Now I view people with an eating disorder as normal everyday people, as unique and individual as every one else. 

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